Email: "why the world is the way
it is.......
" (also entitled "brain cramps")
Question: If you could live forever, would
you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because
we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why
I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994
Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see
those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean
I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with all those flies and death and
stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed,
you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview
to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery
on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University
of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washingtonhas
one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington,
DC.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to
be kicked to death by a jackass, and
I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent
mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager,
Danny Ozark
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"I love California. I practically
grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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" It's no exaggeration to say that
the undecideds could go one way or
another"
--George Bush, USPresident
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves:
How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided with additional input
that was radically different from
the truth. I assisted in furthering
that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his
Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable
in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football
quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate.
We simply exclude certain types of
people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the
risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's
imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped
effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed
away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there
is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services,
Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they
can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up
dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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....Feeling smarter yet? Send
it on to your other brilliant friends
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