Aoccdrnig
to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mtater
in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
frist and lsat ltteer is in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed
ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe. |
Subject: Basic English
It's amazing that we actually understand each other,--- but then again
???
Subject: A Primer
TODAY'S ENGLISH LESSON
We'll begin with a box, and the plural
is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called
geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full
of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called
men,why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my
feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth
and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called
beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would
be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of
cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his
and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Some reasons to be grateful if you grew
up speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to
refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead
out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted
on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the
bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the
invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen
about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to
close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the
does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down
into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer
taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the
sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections,
my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting
I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a
series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a
pile of dirt.
Screwy pronunciations can mess up your
mind! For example ... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough
when going through the bough on a tree!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers
dont fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't
ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what
does a humanitarian eat?
If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't Mop?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew
up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance
be the same,
while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which
you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by
going on.
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